My book review

I'm a Carly Phillips fan and when she offered a free advanced copy of her book  Perfect Fling I signed up. The only catch was that you had to give a honest review.  I've been reading Carly's books for about 10 years so I thought it would be fun to get the book before everyone else.

It came in the mail and hubby left on  my desk. I decided before reading it that I would read: Perfect Fit which is the first book in the series. I liked it enough and decided to read on. It was fun to visit the town of Serendipity which Carla had created previously and it was so popular that it came back.

Here is my review of Perfect Fling from Goodreads

Perfect Fling had everything that you come to except from a Carly Phillips book: a good story; realistic characters and situations. Carly writes Perfect Fling in such a way that I feel I'm part of the town. I want to visit Serendipity and meet Cole and Erin and have coffee with them. It was a fun read and I would suggest it to any Carly fan out there.

I don't want to give any spoilers which is why I'm not talking about the plot but suffice to say that it was good and will reel you in and keep you there till the end. My only complaint is that I have to wait till February for the next installment in Serendipty's Finest Novel. I would definitely recommend this book to my friends.

My birthday post

I decided to participate in the start experiment lead by Jon Acuff. The theory is that fear hates community and we were asked to take a risk and just get started. Sounded easy enough. Choose my risk and off I went: write in my blog everyday and finish the autobiography for my adoption. I had these grand ideas and then life happened.

Life as in fear: one assignment write down your fears so I did and the next one: write down the truth under your fears. Did that one.

As I worked on the assignments nothing really changed for me until July 26 when I watched a video that Jon put in the FB Start group and something clicked. I was waiting for my confidence to kick in and that won't happen till I start.

So I asked myself what is the worst thing that can happen: I fail. Is that all you for me universe? Really. You realize that you're speaking to the chick that survived a ruptured brain aneurysm and cancer. I should have this right?

So I thought what else: fear. Fear is holding me back. I was sitting there and thinking I have a safety net: my family and friends. The one's who were there cheering me on as I recovered. They will be there no matter what. Back to Jon for moment who said: fear hates community. I have that. So I realize I got this.

Now just to do it. Taking the rest of the day off to celebrate turning 45 and will tackle that mountain first thing Tuesday morning.  

My Soundtrack

I want to do something different today. I'm going to post some songs/video that represent different areas of my life.

The first one is called: Simple Gifts - Yo-Yo Ma and Alison Krauss. I love this version and it reminds me not to overlook the simple things. It was the first time that I heard Alison Krauss sing and she has a beautiful voice.

How can you include a sound track without one of the greatest voice of our time: Josh Groban. Everytime I hear this song it gives me hope. You Raise Me Up reminds me that I have a net below me and they are awesome. Lee Mead the other singer in this video is also good.

Jim Brickman wrote a song called the Love I Found In You. It is for my hubby aka: my rock.

I know that That's What Friends Are For - Dionne Warwick & Friends is from the 1980's but that doesn't mean that it isn't valid in 2013.  I'm so lucky to have the best friends in the world and this one is for them. I love you guys.

Seasons of Love - Rent (Music Video) reminds me to never stop loving and looking for the good in everything.

This last one is going to be longest video. When I hear Pachelbel Canon I immediately relax. And then ocean waves and you have bliss.

Confidence

I'm going to quote Jon Acuff here.  Jon posted a video in the start experiment group in FB this morning and here is part of it.

"Do it anyway
Do it afraid
Do it scared
Confidence is attracted to action
Start before you're ready
Start before you're brave
Just do it anyway."

This hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm realized when I saw that although I'm in the start experiment I'm really not. We're halfway through and although I've done the assignments and checked in with my partner. I still haven't taken the "risk".

It is because I don't' have the confidence in me to take it. What is the worst thing that happens: I fail and fear failure. Okay wait a minute: fear hates community. I have a community of people that love and respect me. If I don't make the first time then I just need to pick myself up and try again.

So my task for the coming days: take the risk and then see what happens.

I am a republican

I'm a republican and proud of it. I can see a battle on the horizon within our party. In 2014 there will be a measure on the ballot to legalize gay marriage. There are many people in Oregon who support and others who oppose. Many in my county party support "traditional marriage". The Oregon Republican Party is having a platform convention in August & my county was electing bonus delegates.

This is the text of a speech that I would have given if I had to run for a delegate seat:

I recognize asking everyone to agree on every issue is foolish but I would hope that the politics of division would not be used against those we do not agree with. I'm not asking or demanding that you share my values but to realize that we are a political party and not a cult.

I understand and accept that not everyone will agree on every issue but I find it troubling when the default position is one of hate and division. That is not a winning position. I do not believe that you must accept something that you disagree with but when someone demands that I adhere to their value system. What is the difference?

Once again the Bible express how I feel perfectly:
Ecclesiastes 7:16-18 New International Version (NIV)
16 Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise why destroy yourself?
17 Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool why die before your time?
18 It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes

Checking in with God....

Jon Acuff has been asking some hard questions during this experiment. I could use that as an excuse as to why I did not post yesterday. The truth the day got away from me. I got called to work and decided to make money rather than work on a blog post.

I'm a mobile notary which means I meet people and notarize stuff. The job has  flexible working hours and I get to drive around beautiful western Oregon are a few of the perks of being a mobile notary. Since the hours are flexible it allows me time to pursue some of my other loves like blogging and working in politics.

Yesterday night I had a job in western Yamhill county. It took me about 1 and 30 minutes to drive to the job site. As I was driving through the beautiful Oregon countryside I began to have a panic attack. I don't have them often so I started to pray.  I can't remember exactly what I said but I reached to God and asked for his help. It worked because I calmed down and I had an "ah" moment: when I really needed him God was there and he didn't ask anything for me. I've always know that deep down but it finally dawned on me.

So I get to the clients house and we go through the documents and I ask: may I use your bathroom (not a normal appointment question). Not a problem and when I go in right above the toilet I see the following written on a poster:  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phillipians 4:13"

Which in essence was my prayer in the car. It was another ah moment for me. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. Not sure what God is/was trying to tell me but I have a feeling that it might be: you're going in the right direction keep going but check in with me once in a while.  I can do that.

My Saturday

Today was the day that I was going to get a bunch of stuff done. Well that didn't work out too well. I had plans and a nice to-do list for this morning. Well guess what got crossed off: nothing. Didn’t write my blog post; didn't start my autobiography; didn't start to edit Adam's autobiography; didn't put the clothes away; didn't change the sheets; didn't exercise;

Okay what did I do: I played on FB as I thought about the blog post I wanted to write; posted news stories on FB and twitter; commented on news stories on FB; caught with the start ex group on FB and made a lot of comments; went to my craft club (that was on my to do list); picked up my books at the library.

Looking back over the first list: I now realize some things

1. I need to be more disciplined with my time
2. I need to overcome my fears (more on that in another post)

I can do anything I put my mind to and I need to start putting my mind to it.  

Gratitude

What does that look like to me

1. Well for me it means being grateful for having a part-time not my dream job but a job
2. Being cancer free for the past year and a half
3. Living in Forest Grove
4. Having awesome friends that always stand behind me
5. Having Adam in my life: my rock
6. The fact that a cool breeze is blowing through my window right now
7. Cindy the cat is sitting with me right now

This is part of my list. Not complete but it is a start.....

Fear: Not so scary after all.

Jon Acuff asked for people willing to go on an adventure no questions asked. So I signed up. Turns out that the adventure is easy but hard. Risk something that will get you closer to your dream. It doesn't have to be a big risk just a risk for you.

I decided to risk two things: Write everyday. That has since changed to write a blog post everyday and secondly to finish my adoption paperwork.

Guess which one has the harder one this first week: if you guessed the daily blog post you would be wrong. It is the adoption paperwork. So when I got Jon's e-mail this morning it was timely:

Day 4: The big F-word

Nothing kills dreams like fear. Today, it's time to face a few of ours. Your task is to write down your biggest fears in your journal. That's it, today! I just want them to hit paper.

Here are mine in no special order

1. No one will care about what I have to say and no one will read my blog
2. Not being chosen to adopt by birth parents
3. Not being cutout to be a writer
4. Getting organized means that I'll get stuff done. Getting stuff done means that I'll be putting myself out there.

Now that my fears are written down they don't look scary. I think that was the point of the assignment.

The Four Agreements

I try to use these in every decision that I make. They are so simple and yet so profound.

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word.Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally.Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions.Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best.Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

I choose to live in Forest Grove

Trying to figure out what I would write about. When I asked my hubby he said write about why you moved to Oregon and Forest Grove in particular. Okay here goes.

I moved to Oregon in 1996 from New York City. Adam and I didn't have career's, a mortgage or kids so that was the perfect time to move. We visited Oregon in April 1995 and yes it rained everyday we were here. We still liked it better than New York City. The downside to Oregon is that not all of our family is here.

We've lived all over the Portland Metro Area. We started in the Lloyd Center district cause it was close to my sister's house and she found a cool apartment there. It had amenities I wasn't used to like birds outside the windows, flowers and a small porch like place to sit outside. It didn't have a few things that we had grown accustomed to like mice but that was okay not to have those. It was a great starter apartment since the bus and my sister were both nearby.

I'm going to skip ahead to 2008 when we decided to buy. Enough with paying someone's mortgage. Adam and I decided that we wanted to stay on the west-side of Portland so that eliminated a bunch of places right away. Once we decided that we wanted a house where we could have a garden that meant we needed a southern exposure and some land.

I'll never forget the day in June 2008 Adam said: honey lets go for a ride and he brought me out to Forest Grove. He said: here is where we can settle down and make a home. Adam was right. We then came up with a check list mine was simple: Unattached, floors, walls, roof and windows. Adam had a little more: southern exposure and a back yard big enough for a garden. Found some realtors and started looking.

After looking at about 20 houses we ended up choosing the second house we saw. It turned out to be perfect for us and we've co-owned with the bank since August 2008. We're the second owners of our house and the first owner took amazing care of it.

Forest Grove has been the perfect place for us to live. Our neighbors are good people and the city is just big enough to still have a small town feeling. It is great to go to the local farmers market on Wednesday and count how many people we will run into that we know. At least 5 every-time. That is what makes it a great place to live.  

Here is me not starting

You would think that this would easy: write a blog post for 24 straight days. Now all of the sudden I have writers block and can't think of anything to write. This should be easy since I can post on face-book on a whim which is really micro-blogging.

I've done everything but write a blog post today: I've checked my e-mail; read face-book and twitter; surfed the internet; listened to Adam Carolla; played with my kitty cats; drank my coffee. Okay that is about I can do without leaving the house.

When I'm having a writers block I think that I'll write about a quote that has inspired me in the past: Here is the quote: "Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King Jr.

This quote goes along nicely with Face Everything And Rise which I talked about yesterday. It is time for me to just get out and try and stop letting my fear stop me. Taking the first step means just starting which is the purpose of the Start Experiment. Take a step and then another one. After a while you'll find that you've walked the entire staircase.

Taking the risk and putting myself out there for the world to judge me and my writing. That alone terrifies me. Why because I don't want anyone to find my writing lacking. I have to have passion for what I write and the rest will follow.......

Fear: Face Everything And Rise

I told myself when I started this process of writing original content for 24 days that I would find out about myself and whether or not I wanted to be a writer and what that might look like. My 24 days starts on Monday, July 15. I don't know where this is going to lead me but at least I'll be moving.

In my office right in front of my computer I have a great quote: FEAR has two meanings: Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise. I think that the time has come for me to embrace the second one. That is what Start Experiment is to me. Taking a chance a risk and seeing where I end up.

But this challenge is all about punching fear in the face and moving beyond fear to awesome. I've always wanted to write but have always been afraid that I wouldn't have enough content or that I would have nothing to say or that no one would care about my point of view. I can't know any of those things unless I write and that is what my risk in the Start Experiment is about.

When in doubt I have to go back to the two meanings of fear and pick the one that I'm using: Face Everything And Rise.......

Swings

Today was an easy day. A wedding in the early afternoon and then hanging out with neighbors later in the afternoon while talking about my risk.

First I need to go back a few days: I ran into my neighbor Karen the other day and I told her that I got involved in an experiment. Here is the summary of the conversation. Jon Acuff who works with Dave Ramsey and wrote the book Start asked people to go on an adventure with him. Over the next 24 days you would figure out what to “risk”. Your risk can be big or small. Jon said but it has to be yours. She thought was cool. I told that mine was to create original content for my blog everyday.

Now that I'm caught up to Saturday and I was hanging out with my neighbor this afternoon in her backyard on her swing. I said: gotta go home and write my blog. I told her some of my ideas and then told her that if I can't think of anything I'll write about a quote. Karen then threw me a curve ball: write about swings she said. I've taken the challenge. I'm going to write about swings. Here goes my blog about swings.

I grew up in New York City and the park with swings was not too far from my house. I used to be scared to go too high cause I was afraid I would fall. I got up the courage and I used to pump myself as high as I could. It was fun. I remember going to visit my aunt in Pennsylvania and sitting on her swing. Granted the mosquitoes would have a nice dinner but it was nice to relax in the quiet on the swing.

After my niece was born one of the things she loved for me to do is to push her in the swing at the park. We would have fun with her laughing as I pushed. The pouting that would occur when Aunt Chris needed a break. But I would always go back to push her since Annie enjoyed it so much.

Sitting on the swing today just talking about stuff with our neighbors Karen, John and Kim reminded me of how we all need swings in our lives. That place where we take the time to slow down and just talk and listen to each other. We all need to make the time to do that.  

Thoughts for Thursday.....

Just realized that it has been Monday since my last post. Now I can get myself off the hook by saying the risk part of the start experiment hasn't started yet. That is what I'm going with. Time for a little bit about me. I'm going to be turning 45 at the end of July. Not a bad age but it will be a year of change. I just know it. It will be a year of change since I will be losing my excess weight, since I will be writing every day, since I will be working in my “dream job” just as soon as I figure it out, and hubby & I hopefully will have adopted a child by this time next year.

I live in the Portland Metro Area with my husband and our 2 cats. Before moving to Oregon in 1996 I lived in New York City. I'm going to skip ahead quite a bit to 2008 the year my life changed. August 21, 2008 I had an aneurysm burst on the right side of my brain. I found out later that only 20% of people survive what I did. There are many reasons why I survived: My hubby who called 911 when he realized something was wrong; the neurosurgeon and his team who operated on me; the nurses who watched over me at the hospital and I believe that a higher power was watching out for me and made sure that all the things that I needed to survive were in place.

 Almost dying taught me a lot about living. Appreciating what you have and using your talents to the best of your ability. Not taking anything for granted like telling those you love how you feel; celebrating every birthday; making sure that my life counts for something (still working on that one); not putting with people and things that aren't moving your life forward. I've learned how to put those things into practice and have a better life because of that.

 I don't have my dream job or career I keep getting sidetracked by life when I start to figure everything out. I'm hoping that start experiment can get me on the road.

My Risk

Today was the day that I decided what my risk would be. Mine is to write everyday. If you know me that doesn't seem like a big risk but it is since I rarely like what I write. I've been wanting to write for years and along came Jon Acuff and his idea for an adventure & I decided to go for it. I know that it will be scary and will lead to who knows what but this is the one time that I'm not going to let fear stop me. I can't afford to.

What to risk

I'm debating the Sunday before I have to decide what will I risk.... I know that I want to risk something but nothing comes to mind that seems doable in 24 days. The timeline is playing with my mind and then how big do I go. Do I go for everything or do I try something small and build from there. I just know that I need a decision by Monday morning. What I'm thinking about doing is to sleep on it and then read the questionnaire that Jon Acuff is going to post and make my decision on the spot. Don't even let myself think about it. That seems to be the way to go or else I will analyze it to death and think of all the things that could go wrong. When I decided to join the Start Experiment I made the decision on the spot and sent the e-mail before I could second guess myself.

My start

Sitting here listening to the flag outside my front door flapping in the wind has made me realize how lucky I am. I'm sitting in a house that I love with a husband that I love. My cats are napping someplace in the sun. As I reflect on my life I realize how much I've done and how much more I want to do. That is why I said yes to Jon Acuff when he posted this question on his blog: who is willing to go on an adventure. I said yes because I was scared to say yes. Sometimes you just need to trust that the universe puts things in your way for a reason. This blog is going to be a reflection of that adventure and where it takes me.