My Reflections about September 11

I remember parts September 11, 2001 very well. I was at home in Oregon sleeping. Adam came in to tell me that a two planes had hit the World Trade Center. I rolled over and went back to sleep thinking that he was kidding me. He turned on the TV and said look. I realized that he wasn't kidding. He told me later that he knew something was wrong when the tv graphic read: second plane hit the World Trade Center.

I got to work and was a zombie. Everyone knew that I was from NYC and most were understanding when I got .tons of personal phone calls at work that day. For some reason my boss thought it was okay for him to watch TV in his office with the door closed and then got mad that I got so many personal phone calls. I was most worried about my mom who was a teacher and I knew that she took her class on field trips to lower  Manhattan. Fast forward to later in the day after sending e-mails and making phone calls. My mom called me at work. I was covering the front desk and I cried with relief at hearing her voice. I can't remember the conversation all I knew is that I was talking to my mommy

I knew that most of my family and friends that still lived in New York City was not usually near lower Manhattan. It took longer to hear from everyone but thankfully over time we heard from all of them. I was one of the lucky ones I did not loose anyone close to me.  It was hard being so far away and not being able to help those I love through this tragedy. Sure you had e-mail and phone but it is not the same thing as being there. I can remember the stories and realizing how lucky I was that I didn't loose anyone I loved. I heard a story about a woman who had a appointment so she didn't go to work. She was the only one in her work unit to survive.
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I tried to buy a flag made in America and everyone was sold out. The Oregonian printed a paper that had a flag in it. We took the flag and hung it in our window. I also remember when I first cried about the events: I was watching Larry King on CNN and Alan Jackson sung "Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?". When I think back to that time I wished for little things: like NFL football to return so that I could loose myself in a game, a funny movie so that I could have something to laugh at. The world to get back to "normal".

2006 was the first time I went back to NYC. We were in New York for Carmelina and Joe's wedding and staying with my mom. Adam and I went to where the World Trade Centers used to stand and just walked around. Adam used to work in the financial district in high school. To this day Adam will not look at the list of victims because he might see someone that he knows. After visiting the site all I wanted to do was go back to my mom's apartment and hug my niece. Which I did after she woke up after her nap.

Anger has transformed into sadness. I'm especially  sad that my niece and nephew wouldn't have the experience of going to top of the World Trade Center where it feels like you can see forever. One of my favorite memories is going to the top of the World Trade Center with my dad and his parents. It was a clear day so you could see as far as the eye could see. If you looked close enough you could see Pennsylvania where my grandparents lived.

My Audacious Dreams

While taking part in author and speaker Jon Acuff's first Start Experiment I decided to start and finish my autobiography for my adoption and write in my blog each day. Neither happened but I made progress towards each one. When I signed up for part two I initially decided to continue with my first experiment risks.  But after reading the day one email from Jon where he said that we get "audacious" and to step out of the ordinary and into the extraordinary. 

So here comes my audacious dream:  I want to run a marathon in the future. Yes me the 40 pounds overweight 45 year old woman wants to run a marathon. That became my new dream because I realized without health nothing else matters.

I've made progress toward my audacious dream and will continue to make progress. Today's e-mail from Jon asked what can you quit. It's taken me most of the day to figure out what I need to quit: I need to quit making promises to myself that I'll Make changes in my diet or exercise routine.

I need to quit thinking about doing things and start doing them. This applies to almost every area of my life but I've decided that I'm going for babysteps. Any movement forward is progress and I have to remember that.

So now is the time to quit dreaming about getting in shape and running in that marathon (okay I'm starting with a 5k) and do it. I'm reminded what Jon said at some point during the first start experiment.  Confidence is attracted to action. I think that just became my new mantra.